The Indie Journal

I'm now blogging @

2009-06-05T00:13:00.003+01:00

Just got back from The Castle

2009-06-04T00:10:00.005+01:00

in Portobello Road. I played a 4 song set. I was pleased with it. Somehow "*T Baby*" didn't get the most applause. "Moonshine Girl" and "Oh Oh Mei" went down well. "The Red Room" was ok. Will try a different set tomorrow night.

I am tired. I worked a full day.

Brought my own sandwiches of wholemeal bread, cheese and..... mince pie filling. No, not the meat variety, the Christmas mince fruit pie mix. Yes, yes, I know, a strange combination but I do have strange taste.....! I did it to save money! Yes, I saved some....

Oh, by the way, I've a new site at www.kienlim.co.uk. I will be adding stuff to it as I go along. Getting my head around WP!

It is a lovely morning.

2009-05-24T07:57:00.005+01:00

The sun is shining and the sky is blue. It promises a hot 24C. It will be a good day.

I have commissioned a mate to remix "T Baby" for me. He's in a duo called "Powerlight" that play Electro, Funk and Pop.

I will be attempting a remix of my own too.

I will be playing The Castle and Edward's this week. Check my gigs page for details.

The gig at St. Mungo's was good.

2009-05-17T08:25:00.004+01:00

I enjoyed it.

Saint Mungo's is a lovely converted old building with lovely high ceilings and arched doorways. Here's a description from their website:

"St Mungo's is London's largest charity for homeless people. We open our doors to homeless and vulnerable people, enabling their recovery, and work to prevent rough sleeping in the first place. We run over 100 projects and help thousands of people make life changes every year."

The Dash then came on and played a blinding set followed by Jimmy and The Banned and did likewise.

Oh, the gig at Edward's on Thursday was just as enjoyable.

Last night's gig at The Castle was educational. I enjoyed it too but learned from the not so great guitar sound. I played without a pick and felt at home but think will have to experiment with the gauge of strings and perhaps a thumbpick.

I am playing St. Mungo's Hospital this evening.

2009-05-15T15:58:00.002+01:00

It's a charity gig and will do a 20 minute set. I feel I need some more kick ass tunes. I find it easier to write mid to slow tempo numbers but a bit pushed to do more uppy energetic ones. I will start writing accordingly....

Forgive me

2009-05-13T07:01:00.002+01:00

if I don't blog details. On the one hand, I want all to know exactly what's going on with me and in my world but I understand that sometimes I will be speaking another language which might lead to misunderstanding.

I had a good day.

2009-05-12T23:07:00.002+01:00

Last night I finally came out of denial.

It was a tough day

2009-05-09T23:34:00.004+01:00

as I withdraw.

This withdrawal is one where I withdraw my energies formerly spent on obsession, fantasy, intrigue and sex to focus them on nurturing myself. Abstaining from such activities makes me realize how much they have occupied my time and life.

Day 363 -366, Tuesday - Friday, 05 -08 May 2009

2009-05-08T08:01:00.002+01:00

Yesterday was a year of starting this journal. It has been an eventful one. A facing of oneself half a century into one's life. A painful time. A time of growth. A time of hope. A time of learning. A time of faith.

On Wednesday, after speaking to my sponsor, I decided to pray. Of course I had to kneel and the best place I could find, after evacuating the Church ground I so often visit for lunch and respite, was the Church, a place that hadn't crossed my mind as a place of refuge even when situated 200 meters from my work place.

It was cool and quite. Only 2 others seated. I found a spot and sat. Tears welled up in my eyes. I had not been in a Church of my own accord for years. The sun was shining outside. I felt peace. I knelt and prayed. I felt in my heart the pain and yearning straining to be free. I had to control my emotions. Couldn't possibly walk back into the work place with puffy red eyes.

I resolved to visit as often as I could.

Day 357 to 362 - Wednesday - Monday, 29 April - 04 May 2009

2009-05-04T08:14:00.003+01:00

3 days to go to a year of starting this journal. I won't be counting days then.

It has been quite a year. I've been through some real painful, growing times. I still am. It's all good.

Today I awake with pain and sadness. But again, all good. Growth.

Day 354, 355, 356 - Sunday, Monday, Tuesday 26, 27, 28 April 2009

2009-04-28T23:08:00.004+01:00

Kept myself busy the last few days. I decided yesterday that irrespective of my feelings, I would get on with life.

This is not a rehearsal!

I've got myself 2 slots, one at the Castle tomorrow night, and the following night at Edwards (click here or gigs link above for details).

I got an iPhone yesterday. A 16GB white one! I do so like the black one too!

Got some work to do tonight before I sleep. Laterz......

Day 351, 352, 353 - Thursday, Friday, Saturday 23, 24, 25 April 2009

2009-04-25T23:47:00.003+01:00

I was angry, jealous, envious, sad and emotional yesterday. And I wanted to act out. But I didn't. Instead, I took a written inventory of my feelings and guess what....? It worked. I shared it with a fellow person later on and felt much better.

Today found me angry. Don't know where it came from. It took me the better part of the day to shake it. Guess it's because Saturday is the first day of my working week after a 2 day break.

I played at Edward's last Thursday. The first performance in a month. I was pleased with my voice. Wasn't too hot on my overall performance though.

Day 348, 349, 350 - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 20, 21, 22 April 2009

2009-04-22T22:31:00.002+01:00

15 days till a year of starting this journal. I will then cease counting.

I've work to do before I sleep. I am tired. I've been pretty active the last few days doing the essentials to look after myself.

On Tuesday, I awoke at 4:30 AM as I had to do a chair near St.Paul's in the City. After which I found myself with 3 hours to kill. So I walked all the way to Hungerford Bridge, crossed it to the South Bank and walked along the Thames. I was feeling somewhat alone and sad. But still, the walk was good. I crossed the bridge at Embankment. Walked up to Trafalgar Square and came to the National Portrait Gallery. I noticed a sign saying "Full English Breakfast", ingredients sourced from the finest suppliers. I stood outside for 5 minutes then decided to treat myself.

It was a sumptuous breakfast of Cumberland sausage, Bacon, Black Pudding, Mushroom, Tomato, Scrambled eggs, Baked Beans, Toast, Marmalade and Blackberry Jam.

It restored me somewhat to a better mood.

I am responsible for my happiness. And unhappiness.

Day 342 - 347, Tuesday - Sunday, 14 - 19 April 2009

2009-04-19T21:57:00.002+01:00

Yea, sorry guys, wuz in a deep funk. It's all part of withdrawal. The deepest rock-bottom ever! But it's ok. There's nowhere else to go but up! And I am working on it. It's hard work and I'm prone to bouts of negativity and feeling down, but it's ok, it's necessary in forming the foundation of my recovery, a necessary experience.

Here's something from a time gone by......

Day 339, 340, 341 - Saturday, Sunday, Monday 11, 12, 13 April 2009

2009-04-13T23:21:00.002+01:00

Hope you had a good Easter:)

It was hit and run for me. But that's ok.

11 days from my split up. Today was quite tough. I missed her. Had negative thoughts. But I chose to try acting my way out of the funk. It worked. I'm not so negative now.

Got some work to do before I retire so good nite!

Day 337, 338 - Thursday, Friday, 10, 11 April 2009

2009-04-11T09:16:00.002+01:00

Do you like Shark Fin Soup....?

Day 335, 336 - Wednesday, Thursday 08, 09 April 2009

2009-04-09T23:29:00.003+01:00

And I wonder.

"You to me are the one
Say you'll stay in my arms
And I wonder
If it's only
Just another dream that will die

You are more than love to me
Fallen in helplessly
And I wonder
If it's only
Just another dream that will die"

Copyright ©2006 Kien Lim

Day 322, 333, 334 - Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, 05, 06, 07 April 2009

2009-04-07T22:39:00.006+01:00

Sorry but I didn't feel much like posting over the last few days. I wasn't feeling spectacular.

Tonight I feel rather good. I've learned a lot over the last month and a bit, and especially in the last few days. Been doing a lot of reading about my emotional condition and it has helped by identifying the symptoms of my dis-ease. Suffice to say, I've a lot of optimism about the future.

It is a tough road ahead, but I look forward to the journey.

Day 321 - Saturday 04 April 2009

2009-04-04T23:20:00.001+01:00

Yes, the end of a 3 year relationship. And it hurts.

But life goes on.

And so must I.

Day 320 - Friday 03 April 2009

2009-04-03T09:14:00.003+01:00

It's over.

"Yes it's all over
Now and forever
We had our day
Now it's done

I know it's over
Gone forever
I pray brighter days
Without you"

Copyright ©2009 Kien Lim

Day 319 - Thursday 02 April 2009

2009-04-02T22:10:00.002+01:00

Has come a time where I've to be clear about a relationship in my life. Whether there really is one or not? And if so, what kind of a relationship this is.

Is it love?

Or simply love addiction....?

Day 317, 318 - Tuesday, Wednesday 31 March, 01 April

2009-04-01T21:36:00.001+01:00

Almost the end of April Fool's Day.....

Day 315, 316 - Sunday, Monday 29, 30 March 2009

2009-03-30T23:08:00.001+01:00

Here's Jimi.......

Day 314 - Saturday 28 March 2009

2009-03-28T22:33:00.002Z

Today was a good day. There has been a major shift in my psyche.

I used to be a victim.

Now I can still be a victim. If I don't take responsibility for my happiness. And unhappiness.

I can look at what makes me unhappy and leave it behind. Let it go. Or cling to it because it's the devil I know.

I can focus on what makes me happy. Not fear it. And go for it. Or be fearful and cling to what I know because I fear the unknown.

The choice is now mine.

**********************************************************************************

The clocks go forward at midnight. So I'm losing an hour. So good nite!

Day 313 - Friday 27 March 2009

2009-03-27T22:27:00.002Z

Cough is still lingering. It's the 3rd affliction this winter. It's just so easy to pick it up here in London.

I've not been doing too many open mics of late. Been re-assessing my delivery by recording my performances. Yes, it's ongoing but then, it has to be. So I'm now playing fingerstyle and singing from the stomach. Will one notice the difference? For the better I hope. I certainly feel better about it....

It has been a tough month and a half. But it has been essential. Made me re-assess some things. I feel raw. I feel the end of something. It's sad. But I also feel the beginning of another. Feels scary. Leaves me feeling very vulnerable. But trust I must. That all things turns out as it's meant. And believe that the future will beyond my wildest dreams. Beyond all I can imagine. Or dream....

Day 312 - Thursday 26 March 2009

2009-03-26T22:19:00.001Z

Here's Seasick Steve....

Day 311 - Wednesday 25 March 2009

2009-03-25T23:25:00.002Z

I am devising a marketing strategy that I feel will help me in my music career. An attitude with which my philosophy of music will define, shape and inspire the creative and marketing process in a natural and organic way.

Day 310 - Tuesday 24 March 2009

2009-03-24T23:45:00.002Z

I did not play Belushi's tonight not only because I've a cough and cold, but also because it was Karim's birthday yesterday and I bought him dinner tonight. We went to C&R, a Malaysian restaurant in Soho. He had Nasi Lemak and I had Black Pepper Seafood Noodles. After, we went to Starbucks to chew the fat. It was a nice evening.

Gotta sleep now as I've an early morning.

Day 309 - Monday 23 March 2009

2009-03-23T22:46:00.002Z

Started recording today. Just to get started. I've a cough and cold. Not the best for a good recording. But just to get started.

I will also start programming the drums for the 2 song project. Got the tempo for one song already.

Day 308, Sunday 22 March 2009

2009-03-22T21:06:00.002Z

Cough is particularly nasty today and am quite tired. Ok, forgive me all of you with kids, yes, don't talk about being tired till you've had a kid. Or five!

I will start recording again. 2 projects. 2 songs with programmed drums. And an EP totally live and acoustic.

Day 307 - Saturday 21 March 2009

2009-03-21T21:58:00.004Z

Today I saw the light! Yes, it was a great sunny day! And yes, it's also been a day of insight...!

I've never been able to succeed and I've always been paralyzed by the monumental effort it seems to require to achieve my lofty goals. It daunted me and seemed like an impossible target. The obstacles to overcome, my limitations, my imperfection, and every percieved hurdle seemed to thwart my first step. Yes, my negative thinking had already doomed me to failure even before I started!

But today I realized it just doesn't matter. All I have to do is relax, trust my instinct, and just do it! Everything will take care of itself if only I take it easy and allow things to unfold in their own time, in their own way.

I just have to be myself and happily live my life and my life will unfold as it is meant to!

Hallejuah!

Day 306 Friday 20 March 2009

2009-03-20T22:08:00.002Z

Got a cough and cold! That's the third one this winter!

I started writing a song today. A Bluesy-Gospel type ditty entitled "It's Over".

Will get an early night! Nite nite!

Day 305 - Thursday 19 March 2009

2009-03-19T23:22:00.004Z

I haven't been feeling much like posting of late as I have been pretty selfish and self-centered of late. Feeling more of my pain than of being social.

Yea, some things have come to an end and I feel the tearing of my heart at the loss. But it is ok. Emotions will not kill. I've been asked to feel them. And own them. And that I have done.

I still feel the pangs but they are not as strong. I feel the loss. And I am sad.

I have learned from the last weeks. And grown.

Growing pains! What a pain! But essential!

Day 304 - Wednesday 18 March 2009

2009-03-18T23:24:00.002Z

Here's a clip....

Day 303 - Monday 16 March 2009

2009-03-16T23:17:00.001Z

Here's Sister Rosetta Tharpe.....

Happy Monday ya'll!

Day 302 - Sunday 15 March 2009

2009-03-15T22:57:00.002Z

Here's my all time favorite solo guitarist... Tommy Emmanuel

Happy Sunday and have a fantastic week!

Day 301 - Saturday 14 March 2009

2009-03-14T22:26:00.003Z

The madness was upon me today. I set myself up to be disappointed. I text X.T a goodwill message this morning and expected a prompt reply. Of course as time dragged on, my fertile mind conjured different scenarios as to what might be the case for this tardiness and before I knew it, the madness was upon me, tearing my sanity apart, exposing my heart to the raw elements of negativity, and giving me no peace. Just pain, anger, intolerance and darkness. I just managed to keep it together, calling friends, doing inventories, being of service to people to get me out of myself, and meeting friends of Bill W's.

I am ok now. And have learned my lesson. My obsession will leave me no peace. I will let it go. No more will I set myself up. If allergic to strawberries, don't eat em'!!

Day 300 - Friday 13 March 2009

2009-03-13T22:52:00.000Z

la la la....

Day 298, 299 - Wednesday, Thursday, 11, 12 March 2009

2009-03-12T18:34:00.001Z

"How many times can a heart break
Before it finally dies?"

Day 297 - Tuesday 10 March 2009

2009-03-10T23:31:00.005Z

It was a tough day today too. I prayed to be helped. The end of the day saw me realizing what a victim I can be. What was also clear was that there were things I was aware of, but was unwilling to accept. And then the penny dropped. The serenity prayer: "God grant us the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

I hadn't accepted the things I couldn't change and was still trying to manipulate change. The things I can change is my actions around what I cannot change. And so it is.

I now accept the things I cannot change, and will change the things I can. I will no longer be a victim.

Day 295, 296 - Sunday, Monday 08, 09 March 2009

2009-03-09T22:46:00.002Z

Going through a rough patch at the moment. Feeling down. I will do a gratitude list right after this posting......

Day 294 - Saturday 07 March 2009

2009-03-07T23:46:00.004Z

I did ok at the Hertford Marquee last night. I was pleased with my voice. I thought I could have delivered better if I had played with my fingers though. There is no denying, I sing better when I played with my fingers. Play guitar that is. I must come up with a way where that can be achieved with the ability to really strike the guitar with the power that playing with a pick does..... Hmmmmmm.....!

I had a good time at the British Born Chinese drinks meet tonight. I did have one too many J2O fruit drinks. And one too many homemade chocolate truffles. They were absolutely delicious. My stomach feels a bit funny now....

I am tired. I didn't get too much sleep again last night. I shall try to rectify that tonight by sleeping soon.

Oh, I re-applied for my busking license last Friday. It just occurred to me that day to apply after checking the train times and fare on the Transport For London website. It was lucky I did as it was the last day for application! What a stroke of luck! Definitely a divine inspiration. Thank you powers that be!

I might buy a 70's Stratocaster. I did try the 87 Gibson ES335 but it was not brilliant. Were as this Strat has that something. I'm hesitant as I really set my heart on a Gibson. And there is this ES135 in a mate's shop I've yet to try. But I will see. I will try the Strat again tomorrow.

Day 292, 293 - Thursday, Friday 05, 06 March 2009

2009-03-06T08:25:00.003Z

The sun is shining today. What a difference it makes. I was built for the sun and I go funny if it ain't against a sky of blue.

Got lots to do today. And I'm tired. I could have slept more but had to wake early for the telephone engineer to finally set straight this phone line which has taken more than 2 months to resolve. The builders next door finally ran a phone line which is now to be connected.

Today I've to clean and restring my Martin 00028VS. I am selling it and keeping my Martin D28. I will use the money to buy a Gibson ES335. An older one of course. I plan to go electric as well.

After dropping the guitar off for sale at Chandler Guitars, I will head into the West End to check out this 1987 Gibson ES335 I saw hanging in Maccari's window. I may be rash and buy it if it's the one.

Before all this, I intend an hour's worth of practice and singing.

Oh, and perhaps a bit of sleep before all this..... after the engineer's gone....

Day 291 - Wednesday 04 March 2009

2009-03-04T22:39:00.002Z

Wow! I'm missing my baby. I didn't think I could love. Or be in love. And yet, now I find myself feeling these feelings. I am still new to this. I haven't felt like this for years.... 35 years!?

I am grateful. Very grateful.

Tomorrow I will see Marie-Claire play at The 12 Bar Club. Then rush off to Edward's to play a few songs.

Day 289, 290 - Monday, Tuesday 02, 03 February 2009

2009-03-03T23:37:00.003Z

I played on Zoe Baxter's "Lucky Cat" radio program tonight. I was good. I enjoyed myself. Except for "Kerry Ann" where I felt slightly uncomfortable. But it's ok. Experience and all....

I'm feeling much better now. At peace. Things have been resolved and I learned a lot of things about myself last week. Suffice to say that from now on I will try to be less selfish and more loving.

Day 287, 288 - Saturday, Sunday 28 February, 01 March

2009-03-01T08:48:00.002Z

Last night I turned off the computer then remembered I didn't blog. I was too lazy to turn it back on, was too tired and just wanted sleep.

But I only got a couple of hours sleep before tossing and turning, thoughts causing me thus. I am tired. I've to take inventories today.

I will nap for half an hour before getting ready for work.

Day 286 - Friday 27 February 2009

2009-02-27T22:12:00.000Z

I had a great evening.

I am very grateful to God.

Day 285 - Thursday 26 February 2009

2009-02-26T17:47:00.001Z

I am hurting.

Day 284 - Wednesday 25 February 2009

2009-02-25T23:16:00.002Z

It was a difficult day. I decided to put all my energy into work and being of service to all. It was tough. But I got through. Then I went to a meeting. It was good. Now I'm feeling better. I am most grateful.

I didn't play Belushi's last night. I listened to some tracks from my CD and was surprised at how much my singing has changed.

Day 283 - Tuesday 24 February 2009

2009-02-24T20:14:00.001Z

Today I hurt so much. I feel a lot of pain. My heart breaks.

Day 282 - Monday 23 February 2009

2009-02-23T22:39:00.002Z

I woke up feeling really peaceful and happy. I also felt pain. But it was a pain of love and it felt right, real and alive.

Loving someone comes with all the emotions. The joy, the beauty, the pain, the suffering.

I called my mum up today and had a 9 minute conversation with her. There was a lot of love, understanding and real communication. A first. And I'm very happy it happened. I am very grateful.

Thank you God.

Day 281 - Sunday 22 February 2009

2009-02-22T23:29:00.002Z

I might have blown things between X.T and me today. My heart breaks. But I did what I did and I have to accept consequences. I leave it all in the hands of God now.

The gig at Belushi's was good. I was happy with my singing but no so much with my guitar playing. But I did learn that majority of the songs require a plectrum.

Jethro Clarke played. He was amazing. An inspiration, and a standard I aspire to.

Day 280 - Saturday 21 February 2009

2009-02-21T22:35:00.005Z

I didn't sleep much last night. I was up late mending a pair of jeans I took delivery of earlier in the day. The hems were frayed so I stayed up till 03:30AM and awoke at 06:40AM. I had to work.

The day was ok and I survived. I was feeling a bit down due to withdrawal from an emotional fix. I understood that no human could fix me but still felt the pain.

But I am ok now. I had to go through it to understand that I have to act to get myself out of the funk. To focus on doing the things that will bring me a peaceful, calm, contented, sedate and well-balanced life.

The last 2 hours has seen me playing guitar. It's a part of my life that needs to be developed. I practiced new takes on some old songs with some success. I will gig em' tomorrow and see how they go down.

Oh, that is me playing the guitar wearing a sarong!

Day 279 - Friday 20 February 2009

2009-02-20T23:02:00.002Z

I did some recording today. I was pretty pleased with them. Well, I'm gonna listen to em' now and will let you know if indeed they are any good LOL!

I wanna thank my Higher Power and Hank Williams for helping me realize and utilize my head voice. I've been singing with it almost the whole day. I can sing harder, higher, with less effort. Thank you so, so much!

Day 278 - Thursday 19 February 2009

2009-02-19T23:47:00.003Z

I was pleased with my performance at Edward's. I started off playing with a pick and ended up with my fingers. It just felt a lot more comfortable and emotional. So there we go, fingers win. I will now investigate string gauges to accommodate this technique.

Day 277 - Wednesday 18 February 2009

2009-02-18T22:41:00.001Z

Here's a talk by Elizabeth Gilbert on creative genius. It's worth watching.

Day 276 - Tuesday 17 February 2009

2009-02-17T23:27:00.006Z

I was happy with my performance at Belushi's tonight. I played with my fingers for 3 out of the 4 songs and was happy with the feel of the songs, and my singing. The only thing I couldn't do satisfactorily was really give the guitar a good bang when using just my fingers. Next time I perform, I will try to use the pick in conjunction with my fingers.

I'm trying to be unselfish and to be of service. To not think of myself and my pain of not getting my wants met and to think of another person's happiness. To accept her exactly as she is. It's tough but it is all part of growing up. So be it.

Day 275 - Monday 16 February 2009

2009-02-16T23:13:00.002Z

I woke up with the hounds of hell at my heels. The hounds of my own making that had taken on lives of their own and broken free from the leashes. No longer had I control of them. Never had I control of them. Every moment they were bound to me, they grew, feeding off my negativity, my fear, my ego.

Now, they bite the hand that feeds them.

But of course, there is a solution.

Change the food I feed them.

Day 274 - Sunday 15 February 2009

2009-02-15T22:33:00.002Z

I've had a tough 2 days. I feel raw. Exhausted. Emotional. But that's all ok. All meant to be. I will now start learning to be nice to myself.

Day 273 - Saturday 14 February 2009

2009-02-14T23:20:00.006Z

Happy Valentines Day! What's left of it that is...!

It's my birthday today and I've 39 minutes left of it!

I slept 3 hours last night and woke up ok. Or so I thought.

Guess I didn't know I was angry. I had a row on the phone with my baby but it was somewhat a subdued affair. Not as bad as it used to be. Guess these days I entertain the possibility that I might be wrong. After I had my say of how I felt, I felt bad. I felt that I had expected her to behave how I wanted, not consider her circumstances, her feelings. I had been selfish and it hit me hard how self-centered I was. When I got to work I text her and apologized, for my expectations of her, and my selfishness.

Karim met me after work and we went for a Malaysian meal. He bought. After which we went for a coffee and chatted about life and what we thought it was about. For me, it is about love. It's about trying to love all in this world, in this life. This life will go on, with or without us, with or without this world, this universe. It's all in the hands of God. All we have to do is go out and love. As much as we can, all the people we can, all the life we can. It's not what happens to us in the end that matters. It's what we contribute to this life that counts.

I will sleep soon. I am tired. I will try to love more. Unconditionally. And try to not let my ego and selfishness get in the way.

Day 272 - Friday 13 February 2009

2009-02-13T21:51:00.002Z

I've somewhat deviated from the initial intention of starting this journal as one might or might not have noticed. This is because what once used to be urgent, now no longer is.

Everything falls into place at the right time.

So be it :)

Day 271 - Thursday 12 February 2009

2009-02-12T22:19:00.002Z

I'm feeling a bit sad at the mo', a bit down. I feel alone. But that's ok. That's only how I feel.....

Day 269, 270 - Tuesday, Wednesday 10, 11 February 2009

2009-02-11T23:35:00.004Z

I got back too late last night to post cos of the open mic at Belushi's. I did ok. Not scintillating. Been somewhat lacklustre of late. Just haven't been happy with the feel of my playing the guitar. But it's getting better. Getting used to another pick which gives me more feel, but taking some time to adjust.

Tonight I've been photoshopping "Jimmy and The Banned" at the Purple Turtle since I arrived home from work. Gotta get it done by tomorrow. That's my work cut out for me.

I got a souvenir for Chinese New Year from China Town today. They were cutting down the decorative Chinese lanterns which were suspended from nylon ropes across the street into the waiting hands of souvenir hunters. I decided to get one.

What a beautiful dragon!

Day 268 - Monday 09 February 2009

2009-02-09T23:06:00.004Z

I've butterflies in my stomach. I'm somewhat in love. Maybe it's just because I feel love. Maybe it's this person I love. But I feel love. And it feels great.

I got locked out of my room tonight. Door just wouldn't budge. Thought I'd might have to call the fire brigade. I put my shoulder to the door. No joy. I unscrewed the door handle, pulled the square rod out a couple of inches, re-engaged the handle and.... it worked! I promptly removed the lock.

I love my Martin D28!

Day 267 - Sunday 08 February 2009

2009-02-08T18:35:00.006Z

I woke up tired but decided to have a good day.

Got to the West End and immediately headed for Sainsbury's to get some stodge. Yes, so I bought a box of 5 custard doughnuts, headed across the street, got a cup of tea, headed to the store and proceeded to demolish 3 doughnuts. Gave the other 2 away. Needless to say, immediately after, I felt the urge to vacuum the entire shop. After which I proceeded to tidy the acoustic room.

A couple of hours later and it was time for another snack. So off I went and got myself a chicken and bacon sandwich, another tea, and a double decker chocolate bar.

Time to go home. I headed to Shaftsbury Avenue to get myself a Spicy Chicken Katsu. Ate it under the Pagoda in China Town, then to the Chinese cake shop for an Egg tart.

I got back about 30 minutes ago, just in time to avoid the rain.

I am tired. I kept dozing on the train. It's been one of those hungry days. But am glad to say that I am now completely stuffed and that will suffice till I sleep a few hours from now.

Oh, I ate an apple on arriving home.

Day 266 - Saturday 07 February 2009

2009-02-07T21:56:00.002Z

Hello. I've nothing much to say tonight so I'll say good night. "Good night".

Day 265 - 06 February 2009

2009-02-06T10:52:00.002Z

100 days to a year of starting this journal....

I've managed to pick up a cough and cold again. It's quite easy here in London as it takes only one person on a crowded tube coach to spread it to many.

I took photos for "Jimmy and The Banned" at the Purple Turtle last night. They rocked. And I've quite a few rockin' shots.

I managed to move on from yesterdays sadness and am now feeling peaceful.

Day 264 - Thursday 05 February 2009

2009-02-05T00:59:00.002Z

I am feeling sad. But that's ok. I've got a lot happening in my life and I'm feeling my feelings instead of running from them as I used to. Running all the time is tiring. And facing things straight on is now my choice. So things are coming up, and it is all good. So my feeling sad is good.

For those who could not see the Corinne Bailey vid (vid is still available here...), here is the link.

Day 263 - Wednesday 04 February 2009

2009-02-04T07:54:00.003Z

Going to work in one hour till 7PM, then Mau Mau Bar in Portobello Road to play my gig. Click here for details.

Here's Corinne Bailey Rae. I love her voice and the way she sings.

Day 262 - Tuesday 03 February 2009

2009-02-03T23:42:00.002Z

I didn't play too well at Belushi's tonight. I wasn't comfortable with the guitar sound and I didn't sing as well as I could. I was trying to compensate for the difference in volume when I sang by pulling away from the mic when singing the louder passages. I didn't like that. I shall not do that in future.

I play The Mau Mau bar in Portobello tomorrow. If you are not doing anything, come along. It will be fun. Click here for details.

Day 261 - Monday 02 February 2009

2009-02-02T22:05:00.004Z

I was snowed in today. Well, that sounds a bit dramatic but London was somewhat disrupted with the heavy snowfall.

My internet connection is still giving my gip! It was great for a few hours earlier on in the afternoon and now has gone back to it's snail's pace. I am annoyed!

I want a white Fender Jaguar guitar!

Day 260 - Sunday 01 February 2009

2009-02-01T18:50:00.004Z

It is very cold tonight. As has been the day, with a wind that makes the cold bite.

I worked today. It was a good day for me. As was yesterday. The days weren't easy to start with, but I decided that I would make them good days by being as helpful as I could to as many people as possible.

After work today, I went to the pub with a couple of friends just to chinwag. They bought drinks and immediately proceeded outdoors to smoke fags. It was cold. We chatted for 5 minutes and I decided to leave, to get some food and walk around China Town as the Chinese New Year celebrations were taking place. Shaftsbury Avenue was shut off to traffic and pedestrianized. I went to a newly opened sushi take-away place that used to be in the basement of the Japan center in Piccadilly and got myself a freshly made chicken katsu sushi pack for £2. Value for money. I ate it while walking through China Town and absorbing the atmosphere.

I finished my meal and overheard the time was 5:30PM. I initially thought I'd stick around to catch the fireworks display at Leicester Square at 5:55PM, but my frozen fingers and streaming nose decided I'd had enough of the cold windy evening. So down to Leicester Square tube I descended to make my way home to the warmth of my room.

Oh, I played the Martin D18VS again today. I don't like it anymore! I'm ever so glad to have my 00028VS!

Day 259 - Saturday 31 January 2009

2009-01-31T23:23:00.003Z

I sold quite a few guitars at work today. It was a good day.

I tried out a Martin D18VS today. I love it! I want it! I NEED it! Well, ok, I want it!

I will sell my Martin D28. I'm not playing it at all. Mostly, I play my Martin 00028VS.

Day 258 - Friday 30 January 2009

2009-01-30T23:28:00.002Z

It's been quite a raw, emotional week. I've had to face and accept things.

Also, a dear friend is leaving for home tomorrow. Well, we said "See you soon" to each other, not goodbye!

Day 257 - Thursday, 29 January 2009

2009-01-29T23:59:00.003Z

I didn't play terribly well at Edward's tonight. 6/10!

Robert James was terrific.

I heard "Counting Crows"' "Long December" and was immediately taken by it. I couldn't embed the vid so click here to see/hear it.

Day 256 - Wednesday 28 January

2009-01-28T20:33:00.002Z

I'm feeling tired and lonely.

I've been aware for some time of some things that I'd have to let go of. 2 days ago, I finally accepted it.

This reality has left me feeling raw, but closer to fellow humans, life, and love.

Day 245 - Tuesday 27 January 2009

2009-01-27T23:57:00.004Z

Belushi's was great tonight. Not so much my performance but the acts that played. Al Peyton(?) was great with his catchy tunes, David Dirickx with his driven songs, and of course Craydle with their catchy Funk-Rock tunes. I was ok. 7/10!

Day 244 - Monday 26 January 2009

2009-01-26T23:20:00.003Z

Hope you had a good day. Mine was chilled. Did not much but rest, play guitar, sing, some homework. It's Chinese New Year after all and I'm still recovering from the cold. Yes, it's taking a helluva long time but it's fine. I'm enjoying the rest.

I did have a funny night last night though. I can't remember the dreams, but they all left me on the verge of tears and I woke up with heavy eyes and feeling all emotional. It stayed with me the whole day. But it's ok. Just goes to show I am not unfeeling and getting back in touch with my emotions.

I'm going to sleep soon. Need the rest. A long day tomorrow. I will play Belushi's in the evening.

I will also try to play Edward's in Hammersmith on Thursday.

Nite nite!

Day 243 - Sunday 25 January 2009

2009-01-25T19:43:00.004Z

I'm feeling pretty tired and sleepy. I woke up tired. Will chill tonight and sleep. Yea, luxurious!

Here's Tristian Prettyman and Jason Mraz to sing in the Chinese New Year! This is one of my fav tracks ever!

GONG XI FA CHAI ya'll!

Day 242 - Saturday 24 January 2009

2009-01-24T23:53:00.003Z

I was shocked at a bill tonight. A friend and I decided to have a coffee and cake. The cafe was located in Leicester square. The cake arrived and it was a tiny piece. When I asked for the bill, I was shocked to see that that tiny piece of cake cost £5.50! The total bill for 1 mocha, 1 camomile tea, 1 cake came to £14.30!

I won't be playing O'Neill's tomorrow. I've ever only done it cause I took it as a challenge, but I've never been happy with the sound. So I mentioned my reluctance to play to my friend and she said I ought not do it if I didn't enjoy it. She added that word music, when written in Japanese was read as "enjoy the sound". And she agreed that the sound there was not good.

Day 241 - Friday 23 January 2009

2009-01-23T23:07:00.002Z

Well,yea, after 2 days of experimenting, I can conclude that I sing better when I play with my fingers exclusively because I get a better feel with em'. So I guess I'll just have to persevere with it and develop a style around that. I've just gotta find a way of being able to really whack the guitar some when warranted.

Sleepy.... goodnite all!

Day 240 - Thursday 22 January 2009

2009-01-22T20:05:00.002Z

Yes, I'm experimenting with thumbpick and pick. A man's has just gotta try what's he gotta try.......

Here's Tommy with pick and fingers......

Day - 239 Wednesday 21 January 2009

2009-01-21T23:21:00.002Z

Overall, I had a good day. I did snooze on the tube on the way in to work today. I like my sleep these days. Ever since this cold, which is more gone than not, but still lingering, I've been enjoying my sleep and embrace any opportunity when slumber beckons.

I will up my outings. Will see more movies, music, art, friends, et cetera, whateva!

I'm feeling sleepy! So will conclude things and go to bed. Nite nite!

Day 238 - Tuesday 20 January 2009

2009-01-20T23:49:00.004Z

I played Belushi's in Fulham tonight. It was ok. My guitar sound was a bit thin. I played my Martin D-28, just to give the 00028VS a break. I found out from Neill later that he had some bass rolled off. Would account for it. Then I remembered that I had also left the roll off on the Fishman preamp on flat. Perhaps I can try switching it to having the bass boost on. I remember that my guitar sound was pretty thin on the 00028VS until I switched the boost on. I will try that.....

Apart from my sonic escapades, my bunged up nose is still pretty bunged up. Taking it's time this cold.

Will sleep soon. Gotta work tomorrow. And you know how much I enjoy sleeping these days. Oh well, looks like I'll only get 6 hours sleep tonight. I like to get 8 these days.... heh heh!

Oh shit! I just realized today is the 20th. I'd been doing receipts at work today with the wrong date! Been doing it as the 21st of January!

Day 237 - Monday 19 January 2009

2009-01-19T23:19:00.002Z

So I tried it with a thumbpick today. It didn't feel comfortable. So I experimented with a flat pick and fingers. And it worked better. A lot better. Felt a lot better. But will take some getting used to as with this method, the pinkie has to take over duties that the adjacent finger used to do. And the pinkie needs strengthening. And it needs to develop a tougher, thicker skin where it meets the steel strings!

So I've started practicing......

Day 236 - Sunday 18 January 2009

2009-01-18T23:43:00.002Z

I was pleased with my singing tonight at Belushi's. I wasn't pleased with my set list. I also am gonna start experimenting, again, with a thumbpick.

There were a couple of interesting acts on tonight. One sounded like Duffy. The other like a cross between Amy Winehouse and Lilly Allen. They each had a couple of good numbers. The thing that impressed me most were that the guitarists in each duo played with their fingers and managed to evoke a lot of feel and nuances. Thus my interest in the thumbpick again. The thumbpick for added power to enable a truly wide range of dynamics.

Thank you Wing Kei, Zac, Michael, Marie-Claire and Stef who came along to see me.... much appreciated :)

Got the British Telecoms broadband man visiting tomorrow anytime between 8am and 1pm. So gotta get up early to shower before he shows..... nite nite!

Day 235 - Saturday 17 January 2009

2009-01-17T22:58:00.002Z

It's pissing cats and dogs. Gonna sleep early. Still bunged up.

I've been sleeping lots of late. Started a week and a half ago when I got the cold. Now I just wanna sleep. Guess I'm catching up on the 4 hours per night average I've been doing for the last six years. I love sleeping now. Can't get enough.

I play Belushi's tomorrow night. It will be cool.

Goodnight ya'll......

Day 233, 234 - Thursday, Friday 15, 16 January 2009

2009-01-16T00:03:00.002Z

Just got back from seeing "Slumdog Millionaire". I pretty much enjoyed it mostly because the actors were so charismatic.

Still bunged up.

Gonna sleep soon. What a luxury!

Day 230, 231, 232 - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 12, 13, 14 January 2009

2009-01-14T22:37:00.002Z

Hell, I'm not much of a blogger. Heh heh. Well, it's coming up to one year. Just another 124 days to go.....

My cold is lingering. The worst is gone but I'm still snotty! What a bugger. I haven't been doing open mics because of it. Still, I've a gig on Sunday. So I will rest up and it should be fine for then. The show must go on. Or not.

Day 229 - Sunday 11 January 2009

2009-01-11T23:42:00.001Z

Cold is going. Good!

I didn't play O'Neill's tonight. Good!

Been working on some stuff. Good!

Let you in on it later. But without you knowing.....

Day 228 - Saturday 10 January 2009

2009-01-10T21:36:00.002Z

I worked today. It was not nice having to brave the cold to get there. It's been rather cold here in London. The type of cold where taking a breath chills one inside. Not a pleasant feeling when one is recovering from a cold. So early to bed once again.

Tomorrow I play O'Neill's. I think this is the last time I will play there. Maybe it's time to move on.....

Day 227 - Friday 09 January 2009

2009-01-09T18:24:00.002Z

I'm still feeling feverish from the cold. I did venture out to get some groceries, but that's all I did as far as outdoor activities were concerned. Mostly, I slept. Guess it's good that this cold has given me time to do not much but rest.

I don't anymore feel the importance of what this blog is endeavoring to achieve. Seems quite trivial really. Heh heh, anyway I will continue with it just for the fun of it.

So today begins "The Indie Journal" with a new intent of documenting things as they are in my life. Hurrah!

Day 226 - Thursday 08 January 2009

2009-01-08T22:30:00.002Z

Still feeling rough tonight. Stayed at home, did the laundry, slept, played some guitar, did some step work, slept et cetera. An early night tonight. So I bid you goodnight....

Day 225 - Wednesday 07 January 2009

2009-01-07T22:39:00.003Z

Yes, the cough and cold is making me feel rather ill. Bunged up runny nose, sore throat, achy body, headache and feeling cold and feverish. Sort of a comfy feeling knowing that one can only do nothing much but eat well, rest and recover. I couldn't really taste the food earlier. It tasted strange. Not much of an appetite. I will be eating some oranges and sipping "Lemsip".

I didn't get too much sleep last night. About 3 hours sleep. Then to work.

I will get some rest tonight. 2 days off! Yea!

Oh, I bought a new phone today. My Sony's navigational stick sorta needed such brute force to work it, giving up the ghost was imminent. So I bought a Sony J132 to replace it. A simple mobile phone with the only frill being an FM radio. It boasts 450 hours standby time, and 9 hours talk time. The reasons I bought it. And, the price was right. I was gonna buy it on T-Mobile, and when I got to the pay desk, the cashier asked me why I chose T-mobile. I said it's because that was sim card I had. With that deal, the phone would cost me £12.95, plus £10 talk time. He said he would save me some money and told me to take it with Talk Mobile. That deal would cost me £4.84 for the phone, and £10 talk time. Said the phone was unlocked so I could use my T-Mobile card with it! I was most grateful. I shook his hand and gave him my sincere thanks when I left. What a nice guy.

Just imagine, £4.84 for a phone!

Day 221, 222, 223, 224 - Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday 03, 04, 05, 06 January 2009

2009-01-06T22:35:00.002Z

Sorry! Haven't been posting regularly!

I'm pretty much feeling bunged up, with sore-throat and a headache. Have taken some Lemsip pills but still feel the symptoms of a cough and cold. I will sleep early tonight as I've work tomorrow.

Hope 2009 has been well for you so far. Cheers!

Day 220 - Friday 02 January 2009

2009-01-02T23:58:00.001Z

And so rolls 2009 into existence. Time is flying. This year will see me flying too.

So what have I achieved in 2008? If there is one answer, it would be awareness. Not to say that I'm omniscient, but a bit more aware than I was the year before. I bring this awareness into 2009, and may the end of this year see even more growth in this area. I wish you all peace, love and happiness. Happy 2009!

Day 218, 219 - HAPPY 2009!

2009-01-01T01:59:00.001Z

Have a wonderful life everybody!

Here's Tommy to play in the new year.....

Day 216, 217 - Monday, Tuesday 29, 30 December 2008

2008-12-30T23:49:00.003Z

Today, for the first time, I felt freedom. That feeling was unlike anything I felt before. It is one of optimism where all is possible for trying to achieve. And the outcome is of no consequence. Because I know that it is meant to be. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel free as I am free of fear. And therefore have nothing to bind me, nothing to lose, nothing to fear of not acquiring, nothing to fear of letting go of anything.

Today I feel this. I will work each day to enable this freedom each day.

Day 212, 213, 214, 215 - Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, 25, 26 27, 28 December 2008

2008-12-28T23:42:00.003Z

Heya! Hope you all had a good festive time. Been working the last 2 days and am glad to have the day off tomorrow.

Time flies.....

Not much on the gig front at the moment...... will start up again in the New Year.

Day 211 - Wednesday 24 December 2008

2008-12-24T21:34:00.002Z

I'm at my cousin's place in Leigh-On-Sea and pretty stuffed with home cooked Malaysian veggie curry and, the carrot cake we had for afters. I'm going to be here till Saturday and will celebrate Christmas doing not much more than eating and enjoying the company of my family.

Hope you all are doing the same and having a fantastic time.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!